One Year

One year ago today, Samuel was born and died. It's hard to believe it's already been a year. I want to hold on to those memories so much, and time makes it harder to remember what happened. Time can play tricks on us sometimes. One day it seems like Samuel was just here and I can remember my time with him so well. And then the next day it seems like it was so long ago that he left us, and I can still remember everything I could the day before, but it's not quite as clear and I can't remember every detail as well. That's why I'm so glad that we have lots of photos of him, and some videos, to help us remember. We were very fortunate to have Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep photographers there to get some incredible photos of Samuel.

I know it's normal for everyone to forget things, but one of my fears is that someday I won't be able to remember my favorite things about Samuel. I don't know if that's even possible, given that his life was a life changing experience for me, but it's still something I worry about.

I miss him so much. I just want to hold him and love him and teach him all about life. Now that is gone and just an empty space remains. If I didn't know that I will see him again someday, I don't know how I would have made it through the last year.

Fathers, hug your kids tonight. Mothers, give them a kiss. Parents, spend time with your kids and make sure they know how valuable they are to you. Be grateful that you are not one of the parents who weren't able to keep your babies.

Happy Birthday in heaven, Samuel. Daddy loves you. I'm sure you have lots of friends up there. We've met some their parents.

That's all for now. I'm exhausted. Grief will do that.